Okay so I’m gonna give you a little background to this story. I have been friends with this girl for three years, well best friends. Last year she told me she had feelings for me but she was dating someone so we decided it be best to not talk cause we didn’t want to ruin her relationship boyfriend at the time. He was abusive and cheated on her by the way. So we stayed distant friends and then she broke up with him and we got real close again. She lives 1700 miles away though. She said she couldnt handle a long distance relationship and not being able to see me. Well finally things changed and me and her got close and she said she was in love with me. So i planned a trip to see her. Then her friend died and she got sucked back into her old lifestyle and barely talked to me. I still decided I was going to go see her. So I drove 1700 miles to see her. When I got there the first day was great we stayed up till 3 AM talking and just every little thing made us smile. Then the rest of the week she pulled away. She would be on her phone the entire time and would barely say a word to me. Then the last night I was there she went out and partied and didn’t tell me where she was so I spent all morning looking for her in a place I don’t know. When I finally found her she was at some friends house and the first person I see is her ex and she is on the couch under some covers. I didn’t even know what to do. I just went and sat down and looked at her and tried to get her to come with me so i could say goodbye before I left. She didn’t want to though so I tried to hug her and say goodbye and that I was sorry for whatever. She didn’t hear any of it. So i started driving away, I was about a hour and I got a call asking me to come back. So I did.. she said she was sorry and didn’t realize I was actually going. I changed it so I could spend one last night with her. It was a good night but hard to say goodbye. So I left to go visit some friends and almost died twice.. i told her about it but she didn’t seem to care. I decided I would stop on my way back through to see her one last time before I headed back east. I got a hotel and text her and waited… She didn’t answer till 12 and when we finally were together she spent all night texting some guy. I felt like crap. I wanted to hold her, kiss her but she couldn’t even let go of the phone. The next morning we got breakfast and we took a picture together. It was perfect she put it on facebook and everything else and said I love you. Then I said goodbye, hugged her for like 10 minutes.. i wanted to kiss her but I knew it wouldn’t be right. So i left on my trip home. Driving 23 hours really makes you think. All I thought about was her and then the idea that she would ditch me for her ex after I drove so far killed me. The fact she found it easy to talk to every guy while I was there instead of just putting them on hold till I left made me feel worthless. Then the picture, after about a hour she deleted it.. like it never mattered. The only real thing to hold onto of the time we spent together and she got rid of it. I felt like driving my car off a cliff on my way home.
I’m honestly depressed.
I want to die.
I need to die.
I sacrificed so much for her and she couldn’t even give me a week.